East Van Milan

Apparently, Milan Lucic does not like pretending to be gracious in a post series handshake lineup. Rumour has it that East Van Milan had a few choice words for Montreal Canadiens forward Dale Weise and defenceman Alexei Emelin. According to Weise and several reporters, Lucic threatened to go all Solange on them next year. From Bruce Arthur:

What a peach and a perfect cherry to top a great series. These two teams hate each other more than people on Twitter hate wearing pants at home. But can we really be surprised at Milan’s actions? At this point in his career he’s being defined by poor behavior on and off the ice.

It’s not his fault. I don’t expect anything less from a mouth breathing, knuckle dragger. This graphic proves it’s in his DNA.

Milan-evolution copy


Jacob “Milk Carton” Markstrom

Saw this in the super market today. Maybe we can help the Canucks and Torts finds this guy. We did trade a future Hall-of-Famer for him.

Missing-Milk-Carton-psd53543 copy

At this point, the Canucks are setting this guy up for a huge let down. This kid is a super prospect who may actually be higher than Eddie Lack on the Swedish goalie pecking order.

I somewhat understand Torts’ belief that we have to ride Eddie if we want to make the playoffs but that dream realistically died 2 months ago. I also understand Torts’ wants to see if Lack can handle the load of a Number 1. I think it’s safe to say he’s done that. Ultimately, it’ll be someone other than Torts who makes the call come next October as I suspect he’ll be fired at the end of this season.

It’s now time to see what kind of ROI the Canucks received for their former franchise goalie. On the other hand with the way the Canucks have been playing, putting him in now may warrant a visit from Amnesty International.

Eddie Lack gives advice to Jacob Markstrom

Occasionally, I hit a tweet out of the park. After patting myself on the back, I usually wait for the inevitable Twitter love and 99% of the time…crickets. Today was not one of those days.

That display of my poor Photoshopping skills and sense of humour was retweeted immediately by @passittobulis then an hour later by @vancitybuzz. Their influence, to quote Ilya Bryzgalov is, “humongous big”. Soon I was trending in Vancouver

To give you an idea of the power of influential followers, I tweeted out a part 2 of Lack and Markstrom’s locker room discussion and I got 3 retweets.

I thought this one was a better joke but the @passittobulis folks thought differently

Who am I to question the masters. Damn good advice too.

This is the 5th time (who’s counting) I’ve trended in Vancouver. Trust me, it never gets old. Plus it allows me tell my daughters that their Daddy is famous on the internets. Which is always met with eye rolls!

Now I wait for the money to pour in. I think that’s how social media works.

P.S. Now I know why people hate manual retweets!

Recap: Canucks vs. Blues – February 26, 2014

For 51 minutes of last night’s game:

Not Ken Hitchcock sleeping.

Not Ken Hitchcock sleeping.

Then Hansen scored to make it make it 1-0 and I accidentally rhymed this:

Even though the game was Joan Rivers ugly, the Canucks shutout one of the top teams in the NHL and broke a horrible losing streak. Eddie Lack has been a revelation this year. His enormous size belies his quickness and fluid technique. Lack’s movement in the butterfly is so smooth. Very little movement is wasted and he is usually in a perfect blocking position while in it. The kid has put in the work this year and it has paid off. Looks like the Canucks are back to a 1 and 1A goalie situation.

While not a work of art, wins are paramount, ugly or otherwise at this time of year. The days of Sedin-ary are pretty much in the Canuck’s rear view mirror so get used to extra greasy wins.  When the best pass of the night was a no-looker from Tom “Enough cement in my Hands to build a Skyscraper” Sestito, you just know that this will be a difficult stretch run for the Vancouver Canucks. If they hope to sneak into a playoff position Lu and Lack will have to play lights out as scoring goals may be harder than convincing my parents that it’s ok not to reuse plastic restaurant take-out containers.

That Alex Edler GIF tho:


Golden Girls

Not these ones:


These beauties!


That was a heart pounding finish filled with so many emotions. I was literally on the edge of my seat chewing my finger nails off. Another classic chapter written for one of the greatest rivalries in all of hockey sports. It’s obvious that there is no love lost between these two powerhouses or Twitter fans for that matter. Everyone knew since 2010 that it would come down to Canada vs. the US for gold. Every other nation plays for bronze.

Early I tweeted this:

Boy am I eating my words now. That was probably the most exciting hockey game that I’ve watched since the Vancouver Canuck’s Stanley Cup run. Both teams played hard nosed hockey and showed a ton of skill and heart. The story that was woven will be told by generations. Canada down by two late in the third period, pulls one back with 3 minutes left then the TSN turning point:


A. Game. Of. Centimeters. That’s what you call destiny folks.

When that puck hit the post I knew that the gold medal was half way around Canada’s neck. The hockey gods do not lie. Three comical penalties later by a referee that was clearly out of her depth, a gaping net for the golden goal and the good guys were in full dog pile mode.


There is no greater feeling to be down late in the third period, battle back and snatch a victory out of your opponent’s hands. I’ve experienced it and it’s magical. These players did the nation proud and did the impossible, made me love that Petro-Canada jersey!

This never gets old.


It’s OK to Be Mad at Patrick Chan

Patrick Chan had the chance to make Canadian Winter Olympic history today and become the first man to win a gold medal in figure skating. The stage was set perfectly as Chan’s biggest rival, Japan’s Yuzuru Hanyu, fell during his free skate. Normally a flawless skater, Hanyu fell twice in the opening 30 seconds of his skate. Failing to land a quad Salchow and a routine triple flip. I’m going out on a limb and say that Hanyu tripped on a jewel that had fallen off his bedazzling outfit.

d1325a5a0af0a5ec7e70651c1c12d145c8e78f02The door was open for Chan to capture the gold or to paraphrase Joannie Rochette, the gold was on a silver platter, hopefully he doesn’t choke and leave with said platter only. It sounds way cooler in a silky Quebecois accent, trust me.

Then this happened:


which by now you can set your watch to. Every four years, like Orser, Browning and Stojko before him, a Canadian World Figure Skating Champion failed to close the deal. While a silver medal is an amazing accomplishment, this one stung more because the gold was there for the taking.

When he ‘won’ the silver, Twitter erupted with tweets besmirching Chan, some clever, most not. Many used a word that rhymes with ‘choke’. My feed was equal parts hate and equal parts people hating the haters (that’s a lot of Hateration as Mary J. Blige would say). However, this tweet by Chad Forrest had me nodding my head:

Chad’s right of course. If Luongo lost the gold for Canada, the Twitter queue to drag him through the mud would be longer than an Aritzia warehouse sale. Less beautiful too.

Patrick Chan’s a big boy. He can handle the pot shots. In fact, I’m sure he’s heard them all and it has fueled him to be one of the best in his sport. Like any true pro, Chan will be the first to admit that he didn’t skate his best but regardless, he’s a two-time Olympic silver medalist. That is a huge accomplishment, one that he never has to apologize for. Unlike myself for posting this drivel.